Conversations | Ethically Conscious

This has been a draft in my mind for a long time. I wasn't sure if I knew enough about the topic to make a post. But I realized that not knowing it all - whatever that means - shouldn't stop me of sharing my thoughts. Sharing is what I want the blog to be about, but I sometimes battle a bit.

Have you ever wondered who made your t-shirt, phone or anything at all? Where it came from? In wich conditions? Which materials were used? Could it be damaging for the environment?

Could it be done in a different way?

Something I always liked to read on tags was the 'Made in' part. I liked to know where my products were made and having things from all over the world felt cool. What I didn't know was that just that little part could tell a lot more about products.

Back in january I started thinking a lot about how the way I live affects others people lives, thinking that I could live in a more ethical and simple way.

I virtually came across sweatshops and my first thoughts were 'Sweatshops? Never heard of them before'. 

After realizing they are workplaces involving absurd lack of conditions and from where the majority of my clothes came from, my thoughts became 'I can't believe it' and 'I don't like this'.

I had started the blog a month ago and decided to create a fashion related category so I was researching more about fashion and wanted to learn and know more in deep about the industry. 

My research began and the things I found out were the reason why you never saw a post on the closet category anymore. Because everything I had planned was about brands and ideas that I no longer support and they values are not the ones I stand up for. Little I knew

I read a lot about this topic of 'ethical and non-ethical fashion', but it wasn't until I started searching for images and videos that the issue truly hit me. Reading I was trying to imagine but actually seeing people in awful conditions so I could have a t-shirt? That's was tough.

Was a t-shirt really necessary? Worth causing such suffering? Definitely not, not even millions of t-shirts. They shouldn't be more important than lives. And I don't want people to suffer so I can have whatever it is. 

I had no idea that existed the necessity to create certifications to make sure that people are working in safe conditions or receiving enough from their work to make a living.

Was when I saw Sweatshop - Deadly Fashion that things got real. I collapsed and just started crying. I couldn't believe such things were happening. That I had been supporting them. Where was I? What had I been doing? 

And just like that, I had been presented to the truth and not glamorous side of fashion. Definitely not the industry I had pictured and what I saw in stores. I was now aware that existed 'fast fashion' and 'slow fashion'. I came across new brands, blogs, youtube channels and a lot of new information and things to explore. 

After more research, I came across the environmental impact that fashion has too. So I also became interested in eco-fashion.

I then started a huge evaluation. 

I came across Fair Trade Fashion that also lead me to fair trade everything else. So now it was even more than just about garments, It was also about accessories, shoes, fabrics like cotton, cocoa, tea, coffee, furniture, technology.

It was a lot to take in and as usual when you are confronted with something you had no idea happened, you feel quite confused. I felt the same way when I came across Veganism.

First the shock. Then the overwhelming feeling. Last the action, when you realize you wasn't aware of some information but now you are and something needs to change.

I quickly though that now, besides being vegan all the products I should buy needed to be certificated as Fairtrade and environmental-friendly too. I wanted them to be, but I also quickly realized things aren't that easy.

There's no certification for everything. I don't have access to everything in that form. A Fairtrade product doesn't necessarily means vegan and super eco-friendly. Vegan doesn't necessarily means made from fair trade and eco-friendly materials. So what could I do?

I understood it wasn't that simple and not only about replacing things. I realized I just had to do my best, the more I can.

The first time I went to my local supermarket having this realization of 'fair trade and non-fair trade' I found certificated Fairtrade brown cane sugar, that I actually remember spotting in the store weeks ago but thought it was just another sugar among all the others. Now seeing it for a second time, I knew what it stood for and let me tell you that I had never bought sugar with such a pleasant feeling. I was proudly picking and paying for that package. A simple thing as buying sugar, but I  knew that that one was different. That my choice matter and that I believed in it. And that's what I want to live for. Overall, I realized I'm a pro Ethical Consumerism - something I had no idea existed - and that's what I feel aligns with my values.

In my head, I was against all forms of exploitation and all about respecting human rights, loving and taking care of the environment, but I wasn't supporting those. I fact, I was demanding some kinds of exploitation with my day-to-day purchases.

After veganism, coming across ethical fashion was the thing that shook my conscious and sparkle even more my passion for having a more sustainable lifestyle.

The research didn't stop back in january. It still continues, I am still learning and regarding fashion it just getting excited because I haven't been buying any clothes in a year or so  - I haven't been needing anything - but I'm getting run out of things to wear. So it's time to start building up a more conscious wardrobe. 

I'm not expert and can't cover much about really specify things regarding ethical consumerism. 

I just wanted to share something that I became interested in and maybe sparkle your interest too in this topic. Now it's your choice whether or not to do research and learn more :)

Let me know if you ever thought about the things I mentioned and how it makes you feel

Lots of hugs, A

Conversations | University - part 2

Back in december last year I publish a post called university, about why I decided to take a gap year. And now I kind of feel I need to do an update on that, so here I am :)

So what has changed since that first post?

I got and quitted my first job. I'm slightly more certain of my passions. Started swimming lessons and also driving theory classes. Started to learn I should do what I like.

I'm so glad I decided to take the year off. And this year so far I met new places and new people but especially learned more about me. It's been a year of self-growth.

Snapwire

Considering all my options, I realized that uni is not something I want so I'm not going to be a university student either this year. And I guess that's ok, but I avoid talking about that since people are kind of forcing me to go to uni with the justification 'because you should', although I've already said I'm not. It seems I have to come up with an instant plan if I'm not going to university. People seem sad because I was a great student and should use the grades I had and go to uni. Or worse, assuming I don't like learning or that I want nothing from life. And in the way they are approaching me, they also seem really concerned about taking charge of my life. Showing no interest in respecting what I want and listening what I've got to say.

It would be really nice, if instead of attacking me - that's really what I feel when the topic uni comes up - they asked me for instance if I'm happy with this decision, asked why I choose not going or really just even listening and giving me the space to share my thoughts would be great.

I want to do more decisions based on my own wants because I really realized that 'what's right for one person isn't necessarily best for another'. And there are so many more options I want to try and just thinking about them gets me super excited. Totally the opposite of imagining myself at uni.

I'm not saying university wouldn't benefit me in any way, there's really not the case. I know about lots of people that say that their best years were in university, loved their courses and felt that they wanted to work in a certain area for the rest of their lives. And obviously there's nothing wrong with that, but there's also nothing wrong feeling you don't fit into that category.

Could university be a good experience? Of course it could, but what I decide to do instead could be an even better experience. It's a matter of choice and uni is not my choice for now.

I've been learning that there's nothing wrong with not pursuing the same path that someone else does and following my gut. That being a huge unexpected thing for me, because I'm the kind of person that always tend to do a lot of thinking, feeling the need to have everything figured out and know exactly what to expect. So at this moment, it's feels really good allowing myself to let go part of that and be more opened to not having a "proper" plan or not knowing all the answers. It's so flipping scary, but I'm kind of liking this uncertainty because I'm realizing there's a universe of opportunities.

I truly want to experience all this world around me and I really don't think I'm going to do that sitting in a room trying to get grades that don't show nothing about me and the actual world or how to live out there.

So the answer to what do I want to do? I'm creating it and I'm truly content doing it

Lots of hugs, A

Conversations | Had enough

When I want to make a big change I like to write about it, as a statement and reminder for how something makes me feel and why I want to change it. Helps me to evaluate things, think better and take a little bit of weight off my mind. And with the blog I can also share it so that's awesome

So get ready! The rambling will start

On June 14 I saw Jessie J live and since then that some of the things she said during the concert got stuck in my head. Among other things, I loved the message she spread about loving ourselves. It's been almost a month, but her words are still in my head. 'Be selfish' she said, and that's what I need to be more. Stop thinking too much about others and neglect myself.
I've thought about this before, but I'm now seeing and applying it to different areas of my life.

And the thing is,

It seems that I'm a fake black person, because my skin says so but I don't act like one and apart from my skin I don't look like one too. I'm an oreo. I can't like the things I do because they are usually the things people from other ethnicities like.

Phrases like 'you don't look like a black person', 'can you speak like a black person?' and 'can you act like a black person?' have been part of my life. Also, been accepting them without being aware of it, but now they are bothering and even hurting me. Something that I barely thought relating it to myself.

I'm unlike other black people. My body doesn't fit the "black woman body type".
I should know how to dance.
My hair is so different. I can't straight it because it seems like my skin colour tells my hair is not naturally straight so I can't have or like it that way. When is curly is not even because I like it, but really because I'm embracing my nature. Either one, the asks I get are 'Is that your real hair? Can I touch it?'.
The ultimate thing was when I got into Veganism. 'Are you vegan? Black people aren't vegans'
That's what people say

So what to do or say after those comments? I simply don't know how to react so I laugh. And I think my biggest problem is laughing because it seems I'm accepting them and people start to say them more often. And something I feel is that people don't respect or value what I say. Which for a long time made me feel inferior, not worthy and that's all my fault because I allowed that.

If I saw someone going through hearing those things I would speak for them, so why do I accept it when people direct it to myself? That doesn't make sense 

Having a darker skin color got and still gets me through a kind of criticism that I can't understand, but I never saw those comments in the way I'm thinking about them now, because I never thought deeply about them and just assumed they were the norm, because hey I have been listening to them all my life.
I got used and easily let myself go in that flow of hiding who I am and trying to justify my tastes.

Through those comments people are saying that I can't be who I am because of my skin color *dah*
But what do they want me to do about my skin colour? Change it? Or change the person I am so I can please they idea about people with the same skin colour as me?

Explain me. What the hell 'act like a *insert ethnicity* means'. Really, what exactly does that mean?
Don't know about you, but when I look to someone's skin I can't see who she is, the things she likes or could do. We are saying 'He likes electronic music because is skin colour says so', how pathetic is that?. Can you really guess what people like by looking at them?
I referred music because apparently my skin tone also tells the type of music I should like. But I won't accept people telling me that or other prejudices anymore.
Skin colours don't show who we are. It's literally just skin coloration

Looking from approval and trying to fit in, I tend do fight against myself and hide the way I feel, but now I'm making peace with myself and gaining confidence to simply be me and stop with the 'I need approval' thing.
Since the beginning of the year that I'm in this journey of knowing and accepting myself (it's getting easier) and I'm also realizing that a lot of posts I wrote before lead me little by little to where I am today. 

And what I'm trying to say is. Don't accept people to tell you what you can or not be. Like or not like, especially based on the way you look.
Now I do realize that once you let it happen, it will certainly happen again. For a long time I allowed people to treat me in the way they wanted so now I have a lot of work to "impose" myself and change that, but first I need to treat me right too.

" I have spent many years at war with myself. 

But now I am healing. 

Mentally, physically and spiritually healing. " 

- dietfitnesshealth

That's it. Feeling super revolutionary and powerful now :p

Lots of hugs, A

Conversations | Changing

Hey there!! So, how have you been?

I've been thinking about blog post ideas and also writing some posts, but not feeling like publish them. But today I feel like sharing a text that I started to write weeks ago and I've been writing day by day, as I was finding and feeling things. Let's ready it?

I always saw myself as curious and always thought a lot about things, but now I'm on a whole new level. I'm constantly craving for new information.

I find myself constantly searching for new things, wanting to see more and learn more. Films, series, youtube channels, blogs, plant-based lifestyle, health, ethics, everything. At the same time I want to be aware of the things I already know, but I can't find time for everything. As always time is on my way, against me, taking advance and winning. I know I can't control it so the only way is to adapt.

I think this is just a result of me wanting to change so much and be the best person I can. Sometimes I feel I may be exaggerating, but I also feel I should and can do more, I can be better so I think I should do everything I can to accomplish that.

I've been learning a lot about the environment, healthy living and some things about the clothing industry. Discovering issues I didn't even know existed. Some of them make me feel cheated by society and asking 'why this information is not on the news?' or 'why I never thought about this?'. Things that mess up with my mind

The only situation I can think of to explain what I'm feeling is saying that I wish I could clear my mind, go to an empty place by myself and start adding what I need around me. I feel that I need to erase everything, but I also feel that I need this background and everything I'm going through right now to things make sense (??).

I'm okay. Happy to discover these things, but I need to learn to organize them in my life. My mind is a mess, in some aspects a happy mess but not completely happy and understanding what's going on.

I'm becoming more conscious of the things around me and especially of the ones I can't physically see, but I know they happen somewhere. I've been thinking more and more about the impact my lifestyle has on others people's lives.

I'm re-evaluating my values and what I believe on. I'm finally starting to think about my dreams and how to make them happen.
All these things are given me a new perspective on life. I'm changing and apart from not knowing exactly what to do, I'm kind of loving it. I feel like a whole new person.

I'm still trying to understand all these things but later on I would love to share them in the blog.

As I don't feel I can talk about this to people around me, I like to write about it and share it here because I feel I'm actually sharing it with someone and it just feels good putting my thoughts and feelings out there.

This was all about me, but and what about you? Have you ever feel like this? Any changes recently? Which new information have you been discovering? And how you deal with it?

Also, speaking of change, I'm thinking of changing the comment system and start using Disqus, but what do you think? Should I?

Well, a lot of questions on this post but I really would like to read your answers and get to know your opinions. So please say something

Lots of hugs, A

Conversations | Being Alone

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Do you like to be alone? Well, I am a person who needs space and besides the physical sort, I need distance from others. This may sound really awful and bizarre, but people kind of suffocates me so aloneness is something I crave because in some way makes me feel peaceful and free.

I think that being alone and being lonely are two different things and do I like to be alone, but I hate being lonely plus being alone does not necessarily involve loneliness. Can you understand me here?

I love to get my things done and kind of (re)connecting with myself because social life can be exhausting and sometimes I just need to be in my own world and relax, so the sensation of being able to appreciate some me-time it's amazing. Plus I'm more likely to be lonely in a group of people.

Some people say that being alone is a great way to discover who you are, learn to appreciate yourself and just the way you are, so go ahead and take some you-time and do something for yourself. Lie down on the grass, watch videos, appreciate the sky, listen to music, paint your nails, ride your bike, watch your favorite movie, read a book, experiment a new way to get your hair done, cook, dance, think about the things that are happening in your life, for a couple of minutes or hours just do whatever you want and spend some quality time with yourself.

I hope you can understand what I was trying to say. I don't hate people or something like that.

Lots of hugs, A

Conversations | University

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I finished secondary school this year and I'm not attending University so I guess I'm kind of on a gap year but not an exciting one and full of adventures yet.

My final year of secondary school was exhausting. I struggled a lot this year and I didn't skip classes or had bad grades at all but just because I was so unmotivated that I'd rather do anything than go to school or study. Gradually lack of motivation started to affect me and I started to force myself to wake early to go to school, do homework and study so routine started to consume my mind. I wasn't at my best.

I've decided to take a year off because I'm not mentally prepared to get back in the routine, I need a long term vacation and actually I do not have a strong passion in anything so what would I be doing in a random course? Just to attend University? No, it wasn't the right thing to do and I didn't want to attend University this year so I'm glad I've decided to take a year off to organize the mess in my head, find myself and some area I'm passionate about. I need time to reflect and do things.

I needed a break from Formal Education and I want to take the most of this year to find out my passions and maybe what I want to do in the future. I want to enjoy this year and I would love to travel, meet new people, new places, experience and learn new things and enrich my life.

I can always attend University next year and right now I want to spend time living and learning to own my life.

Lots of hugs, A

Conversations | Why a blog?

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I wanted to start a blog since 2010 or 2011 and I created one back in December of 2012 (A Stranger in a Strange World) but I deleted it right away without posting anything and by the name you can tell I wasn't in a good place - 2012 was the year I started to feel unhappy.

So I finally decided to create my little space on the internet to share the things that make me feel better. I'm going through a tough time, but I'm trying to take my mind off everything that makes me so stressed and start focusing on the good things. I had multiples diaries and journals but they were all about me feeling sad, so I want this blog to be all about happy times, let you in on my thoughts and feelings and share positivity as I try following it.

The purpose of this blog is to share my interests and keep a more personal record of my life in general.

This can be challenging, but I want to hold on to it and I feel that starting a blog may help me to express myself and create a fresh version of myself.

Lots of hugs, A

Conversations | Fresh air

Welcome to my first blog post ever!!

Littlevisuals

First of all, English is not my first language or second one and I'm quite insecure about this, but I've decided to challenge myself so here I go.

Hi? Hi is a good way to start a conversation

You can call me A (not Pretty Little Liars related), I'm just an 18 years old girl trying to find herself and a place in this crazy and strange world. 

I just feel lost and surrounded by emptiness. My mind is a mess; I'm not happy and enjoying life at all. I'm feeling so tired and it's the kind of tired that sleep won't fix, I don't have the energy or motivation so I wake up late, I hardly leave the house and I'm always making excuses to not get things done. I often find myself thinking that everything is just too much and I have a million things that I want to do, but I don't know where to start.

  

I feel like I don't have a connection to the world as if I don't have a part in society. I've started feeling disconnected with others, having feelings of loneliness when surrounded by people and I've become antisocial, so I'd rather be alone because I don't feel good surrounded by others and I've become emotionally reserved and difficult to connect with.

Had enough of those feelings so I've decided to stand up for myself and start doing all the things that make me smile because it's about time. I've been focusing my time and my mind on the wrong things rather than focusing my energy on the positive aspects of my life. I'm nothing really special but I got a lot to say so I'm trying to stop caring too much about the opinions of people who do not matter and be courageous enough to share what's on my mind because I really really want to. I'm kind of pessimist, so I want to start trying to think more positively no matter what. It's time to take responsibility for my own wellbeing and I want to feel good and fulfilled so I'm looking forward to actually live, seek adventures, appreciate myself, others and the world around me because I truly want to and I'm sick of feeling like nothing is going fine without even understanding why.

Just by writing and sharing this text I'm feeling more content and ready to start a new journey. This is me trying to stop being so afraid of expressing my feelings and thoughts. 

Lots of hugs, A